The lies I was told….

Having children has been an eye opener for me.  Finding out Santa was a fabrication in my youth was hard to deal with but really some of the lies I have been told since then regarding children are borderline obscene.

 Take this popular urban myth; ‘your life will be richer when you have your own family’ More

Sing hallelujah & carrot infested poop

It’s done, it’s over and the relief on my offsprings faces is more than apparent.

Santa has sodded back off to Lapland and is currently detoxing after consuming an almost deadly excessive mix of whiskey, beer, milk and cookies, mince pies, and biscuits all in one night and Rudolph is laid in the stable More

Did you hear me call them little sh*ts….(sorry)

I wrote this post last year, but it is one of my favourites and as the festive season beckons I am giving it a fresh leash of life.  To be fair he who help create them is liable to get the same Christmas gift this year, me wrapped in a bow – fully clothed – I am not trying to upset anyone,  so I don’t think it really hurts to repeat my one and only Christmas post….

Let me know what you think….

Dear Santa,

How you doing old man?

Stressed I imagine?  I have to say respect to you for still managing to ho, ho, ho More

turkey grilled?

It came so fast, within a millisecond my relatively clean house was destroyed by a mortar bomb of wrapping paper. I shudder to think how many trees died at the hands of Father Christmas yesterday, not to mention the forest my mother flattened to wrap up her lovely bunch of presents.

The day started at a rather reasonable 6.45am, youngest member of the family couldn’t sleep a second longer and summoned me from slumber so she could unwrap her presents. Imagine her glee when she opened her first present carefully disguised by my PJ’s and found warm milk waiting. Some children are easily pleased.

The silence was broken by the rather spectacular thumps of twin boy and girl throwing on slippers and dressing gowns. Twin boy burst into our bedroom like an excited elephant and ran up to he who helped creates them alarm clock, ‘is it past 6.30am? that’s the time you said he was dropping our presents off’ (Hmmmm this mummy is not daft – no 5am starts for me!)

My own excitement burst out as I launched myself out of bed with the elegance of a little hippo and grabbing a baby, husband, and two children we scampered downstairs laughing all the way. They were waiting for us; present after present piled up or hidden by a shimmering ruby sack, the thrills and games for the year to come. Tears pricked at my eyes as the twins yelped in happiness as they discovered presents they had tried so very hard to be good for;

 “A skateboard, a suitcase, I love it, I love it,” squealed twin boy “and Scooby doo stuff, I didn’t even ask for that, how good have I been?”

“Clipping shoes, two pairs” yelled my fashionable four year old daughter as she kicked her slippers off within a blink of an eye. Santa’s sacks were emptied and each new prize lovely caressed with joyful little hands, baby beautiful lay in the thick of it bemused by gifts she doesn’t understand yet.

 For an hour we had contentment, and the rest of the day continued with remarkable ease with only the occasional hint of an argument under the tree.

 I will leave you with the image of bliss at my house on Christmas day, and I won’t even mention about the tears I shed when I discovered I had grilled the Christmas dinner…

Hope you all a lovely Christmas, xxxxx

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Copyright © Jane Blackmore and Northernmum, 2010-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jane Blackmore and Northernmum with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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