It’s a simple matter of human biology….

“So how old are you?” exclaimed the friendly lady to a cheerful twin girl.

“I am six,” she replied with a smile tickling her lips, “but mummy says I am ever so tall for my age.” More

I want to change my children

I grew you, do you know that?
I grew you from being smaller than a spec of sand. Your fingers and thumbs were defined within me; your hearts starting beating next to my own. You all first sucked your thumbs safe inside my chocolate filled belly; you were created with a passion and sustained by love. More

Taking blood makes you short

Twin girl is, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, a total and utter wimp.

She shrieks at spiders, shudders at loud bangs and is an appalling poor patient when ill. More

Its time……..

The time is nearly upon us, it is time for my children to shine.

 In less than a week they will be called upon to make me proud and I am fearful they may not be up to the task. More

Plaiting one’s pubes….

In recent years I have slightly misled my children. Avoiding the whole conversation about where babies come from and how they actually trundle down the birth canal has always been a focus of mine and he who helped create them.

When BB was born, twin girl was full of awkward questions but was easily fulfilled by a quick glimpse of the bandage on my stomach and was happily comforted in the knowledge that babies were simply lifted from your tummy and then a doctor glued you together again. More

Day 1 of hell……

Twin boy and girl have been asked to write memoirs of their six week holidays for school.

I am keen for the teachers to have a realistic view of what six weeks at home 24\7 is like. More


Whoa there,

Slow down horsey… More

Demented darling….

Twin boys energy never ceases to amaze, from the moment he wakes (around 6.30am) till he goes to sleep (around 7pm) he talks. 

And he talks, and he talks, and he talks… 

In short he never bloody shuts up. More

dont yell at sick kids; god will punish you

Parenting offers such diverse experiences many of which I would love to wrap up in ribbon and place gently in a box full of tissues and preserve forever.

Like when the first time the twins signed I love you before they could speak. Or when BB first held up her arms to me calling my name silently through big, unblinking eyes. More

living with Mary feckin Poppins

The chap I married is not a morning person. He takes exception every morning to having a five year old creeping into his room between five and seven and asking in a booming voice,

“Is it waking up time yet?”

He typically does a strong impression of a corpse at this point in order to not have to deal with said child. I can physically feel his body freeze into rigor mortis as the door handle starts to turn. More

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