It’s a simple matter of human biology….

“So how old are you?” exclaimed the friendly lady to a cheerful twin girl.

“I am six,” she replied with a smile tickling her lips, “but mummy says I am ever so tall for my age.”

“And what about you little man,” questioned the same friendly lady to a shorter twin boy.

“I’m six as well,” he snorted barely concealing his annoyance, and then together in a weird Jedward way my children chimed…

“We are twins.”

“Oh, how lovely,” sang the friendly old lady who had befriended us in the park, and turning to me she with a look of unashamed joy she cried “aren’t you a marvellously lucky mummy, are they identical?”

Stop the clock.

Lucky to me means being able to put a pound on the lotto and win back six million, lucky to me means finding a heavy iron horseshoe which can be used as a weapon as some ruffian is about to try to snatch your bag…

It is not always the term I used to describe having twins.

When they were both learning to live life without nappies, I spent days ankle-deep in human waste and I wouldn’t say lucky was the first phrase that sprang to mind.  When they began to talk they always had someone to argue with, and lucky was not how one felt.

They always have someone to play with, and on the rare occasion that happens happily the sense of relief washes over me like a rain shower rather than the happy dance I associate with luck.

Blessed, for my beautiful healthy offspring, yes.

Lucky; not always.

But moving on; I concede that I am marvellous, happy to chalk that one up to the friendly old lady in the park.

Which leads me nicely on to the question of identical…

Let’s examine the evidence.

Twin girl, is the tallest in her class, she has beautiful brown wavy hair, is impeccably behaved, worries about being accidentally naughty and loves to spend hours writing groundbreaking novels which often accidentally plagiarises the three little pigs.

Twin boy on the other hand is a little on the stumpy side; with a mischievous grin that can get him out of a whole heap of trouble.  Known to push the rules and stretch the truth he can be tamed with a particularly complex Maths puzzle or access to a life supply of Lego.

Oh, and he has a PENIS.

Twin girl is missing that extra addition to her frame.  She doesn’t have a little fire hose to urinate through and has to contend, like the rest of us ladies, with sitting on the toilet to pee. (Apart from that one time when she tried to wee like a man and found herself standing ankle-deep in human waste.)

They are not identical…

However before I had a chance to educate the friendly old lady in the park on basic human biology, twin girl quickly intervened with a sweet reply,

“I am a girl, he is a boy, silly,” she gently refuted, “identical is when you are both the same and I can’t wee standing up.”

Glad she cleared that one up for me.

It is nomination time again!  Last year I was lucky enough to win the best MAD Blog about family life and this year it is time to vote again, if you enjoy reading northernmum please vote me to win in the categories you think I fit.  Nomination form is here ; take five minutes!  Thanks x x

If you enjoy reading this blog and are one of the billions of people on facebook please pop over and ‘like’ me, either click the box on the right or click here

48 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Emma @mummymummymum
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 19:45:25

    ha ha, I love Twin girl!! Although how come everyone else seems to have well behaved girls and mine is a monkey? ( to put it politely ) xx


  2. janeblackmore
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 19:46:58

    because I am serving my tie with twin boy!


  3. fireflyphil
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 19:57:15

    [sigh] You’d have thought she was old enough to know…


  4. teawithonesugarplease
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 20:15:27

    Weird old lady who obvs needs glasses … well done twin girl telling it like it is


  5. Older Mum (@Older_Mum)
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 20:16:22

    Really great, funny, well written post. Loved the punch line!


  6. helloitsgemma
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 21:20:30

    well done Twin Girl stating the bleeding obvious. somebody needed to.
    but am a bit terrified by the Jedward style combination speaking…..


  7. redrosemummy
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 21:26:54

    Twin Girl has obviously got it all worked out. This reminds me of my Mum phoning me to tell me that my cousin had given birth to boy-girl twins. ‘The twins have been born, a boy and a girl. They aren’t identical.’ She couldn’t work out why I was laughing.


  8. Anna
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 21:31:07

    Don’t you just love crazy old ladies in the park? I always find it enjoyable when some grandma refers to my daughter as a little boy. I love Twin Girl’s response though. Might adopt a similar attitude myself next time someone tries to gender-reassign The Baby x


  9. Chris Mosler
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 21:33:25

    Gemma pinched my comment so DITTO will do. Made me grin…again!


  10. Actually Mummy (@ActuallyMummy)
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 21:44:40

    I think I might start a linky about the the things old people say and do – it’s even more astounding than what the kids come out with!


  11. Midlife singlemum
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 22:19:55

    I have a twin brother and sister and people were always asking me if they were identical. Sometimes I answered, ‘no, the girl has long hair.’ Usually they would understand that my answer was absurd. But then they’d ask again. ‘Seriously, are they identical?’ Even when I said that one is a boy and one is a girl, often they didn’t get it.


  12. Kate (@_katie_bailey)
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 22:54:00

    bwahahahahaha!! Twin girl is just fabulous, I loves her :0)


  13. lou
    Mar 21, 2012 @ 23:04:46

    I wish I had a pound every time someone had asked me that! I would be so very rich now.
    Lady “are they identical?”
    Me “no they are a girl and a boy”
    Lady “yes, but are they identical?”
    Oh god, kill me now!


  14. Chelseamamma
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 08:07:25

    Haa haa – good girl!! She obviously gets it from her mum!


  15. SammyDee
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 09:07:23

    Wonderful story and brilliantly written. 🙂

    I guy I know recently became a grandparent. He was so proud when he told me his daughter was having identical twins. (He’s got an identical twin himself so it runs in the family). I congratulated him and asked if they were boys or girls. He replied ‘yep, identical twins. A boy and a girl’. He really should know better!


  16. Lorraine from The Party Times
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 09:17:56

    there’s no messing with twin girl and her point had to be made – saved you a job!


  17. LW
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 12:22:29

    I blame Shakespeare!


  18. peachesandpearls
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 13:11:51

    Hahah I love people sometimes !


  19. Jacq
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 14:41:40

    PMSL at this.
    My favourite is when people say of my 4 ‘Oh don’t they look alike?’
    Yes, that’ll be because they have the same mother and father….


  20. purplemum
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 16:10:04

    haha I think I would have answered “yes this one’s a very convincing transvestite isn’t he” but then perhaps thats why little old ladies avoid me in the park!


  21. Susan Mann (@susankmann)
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 16:43:37

    Love it, good girl xx


  22. Notmyyeaorff
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 16:53:26

    Hehe I love your twins!!


  23. Michelle Shafer Marine
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 21:38:59

    Haha! You are so funny. I voted in your blog award contest! Good luck. I also awarded you a Versatile Blogger Award. You can pick it up here:


  24. Trackback: Best of the UK Parent Blogs: Ten at Ten (50) | Tots 100
  25. sarsm
    Mar 24, 2012 @ 08:35:02

    You go girl!!


  26. 1978rebecca
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 08:42:10

    It does make me worry about the state of the nation when people don’t seem to realise that boys and girls can’t be identical.

    Hilarious post. Thanks for linking up to the multiples carnival. If you get chance the other posts are here.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


Wikio - Top Blogs - Parenting


mumsnet bloggers network

Tots 100 badge

TOTS 100 - UK Parent Blogs


Copyright © Jane Blackmore and Northernmum, 2010-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jane Blackmore and Northernmum with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Site Meter

%d bloggers like this: