Why a libido is like a boomerang….

I am told your libido is like a boomerang, no matter how far you think it may have gone, eventually it turns a corner and starts to head back and then it arrives back when you least expect it; clubbing you on the back of your head and sending you flying onto the bed spread eagled in submission.

I think I may unknowingly hold an olympic record for boomerang throwing as I see no signs of mine hurtling back into my life but in the same note I must confess I am not encouraging the wind in that direction.

It’s a matter of time you see, rather than a lack of desire.   I can just about find five minutes for some pump and grind action but christ knows where I am supposed to find the prep and revision time.  Hair removal alone can be a multi hour task and trying to find a matching set of undies can take weeks in my house.

And mood setting…

Well first the kids need to be asleep.  And I mean firmly asleep; nothing says passion killer like a six-year-old asking for a drink when the magic is starting to happen in the boudoir.  Plus it is hard to rekindle the steamy fire of love when all you can hear is a thirsty six-year-old screaming “my eyes, my eyes.”

However should I achieve the miracle task of having all three asleep in one go, I then need to create an ambiance of sexy.  Candles are deemed appropriate in case step ones goal of hair removal was not achieved.  However the only candles we now seem to own are ones that are commonly stuck in children’s cakes.  And you have got to be quick as those little puppies don’t burn for long.

Recently there was an occasion when it felt like the boomerang may be turning and heading home.  I gave the children Horlicks with no added sugar and turned the lights down low in the bedroom.  Luckily the previous night I had hit the local baths so I was looking quite trim (if you know what I mean), so with the lights oozing seduction I turned down the bed and with a smooth, simple flick I switched the I Pod on to shuffle and happily sighed as the haunting tones of Adele echoed gently round the room.  I raised an eye towards he who helped create them and summoned him with a wink.  We moved towards each other our lips pursed in anticipation.  Adele continued to croon in the background and then she faded out as our lips met in an embrace.  My hand circled he who helped create thems’ lower back and I swear I heard the soft whistle of my boomerang crusing back towards me.  Bracing myself for a hit in the head I fell into the moment luxuriating in the soft silence as the next song whirred into live.  And then the moment was stolen by the bloody loud overly friendly tuneless voice of some poorly paid backing singer filling the air with;

“if you are happy and you know it clap your hands, oh yeah”

The boomerang abruptly changed direction, setting a new course towards Antarctica. I could already hear the sounds of the children stirring from their beds preparing to join the grown ups party where it was clearly an oversight that we had mislaid their invitation. 

It was over before it had ever begun and it was safe to say no one was clapping their hands that night!

21 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. helloitsgemma
    Feb 05, 2012 @ 20:31:40

    I was in the moment there and starting to feel a bit uncomfortable about how explicit this was going to get – thank the lord for Happy and you know it! *claps hands*

    Reply

  2. Blue Sky
    Feb 05, 2012 @ 21:49:36

    Technology. Why does it always let us down lol?

    Reply

  3. HELEN
    Feb 05, 2012 @ 23:27:40

    Brilliant!
    I have a similar moment when I make the mistake of listening to my slimpod on the ipad…just as I’m drifting off to sleep with Trevor’s soft tones I get whisked awake by 5,6,7,8 from Steps!

    Reply

  4. babybloggee
    Feb 06, 2012 @ 07:59:08

    Wow, I don’t remember a time when I had time for mood setting etcetera, for me it’s just a perfunctory task like laundry or sweeping. That’s bad right?

    Reply

  5. HonestMum
    Feb 06, 2012 @ 08:02:18

    Haha! This was getting raunchy and I def think a boomerang change in career writing new Mills and Boons (from a parent’s perspective) or those ‘romantic’ comic strip love stories in the Sun or Daily Fail might be in order. Brilliant!

    Reply

  6. Grenglish
    Feb 06, 2012 @ 09:43:16

    I really must stop reading your blog at my desk 😉

    Reply

  7. amumsim
    Feb 06, 2012 @ 15:39:49

    I had been under the impression it was more like a ball that bounced back after 9 months, that is, everyone else I know was up the duff again by the time their babies were 9 months. I’m 13 months in and waiting! I wonder if I’ll ever bounce the ball again…

    Reply

  8. Michelle Twin Mum
    Feb 06, 2012 @ 20:39:29

    Chuckling away here, at least the bomerang looked as if it was coming home!

    Mich x

    Reply

  9. kelly
    Feb 07, 2012 @ 18:09:44

    haha refreshing to know I am not alone with the boomerang libido, and kids who ruin the mood, and the need for prep time. Its all such work!

    Reply

  10. sarsm
    Feb 10, 2012 @ 12:21:40

    I knew something like that was coming. Or not. Oh hell, I messed that one up…

    Reply

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Copyright © Jane Blackmore and Northernmum, 2010-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jane Blackmore and Northernmum with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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