For years I was known locally as the sleep guru, I was the irratating fresh faced mother of twins who had them sleeping through at nine weeks. Whilst other first time parents looked like they had done a super shop at Tescos in order to fill the bags under their eyes I had a sleep regime in place at home that Gina Ford would envy.
Years passed and I became an ear for those with non sleeping babies. Friends would call me up with tales of their baby waking six, seven times in the night and being irratable all day and with my uber regime I would educate them in how to settle their little angel and welcome sleep back into their home. Gina Ford move over, for a few years there was a new nanny in town.
I tried not to be smug with my eight to ten hours of kip a night but I think somewhere along the line I must have become almost irratating in my approach and like Gina Ford I must have started to annoy people with my perfect sleeping children and their spot on routine.
So karma decieded to have its revenge, and Gina my lovely, let this be a warning to you should you ever decided to have a child of your own to practise your routines on…
Karma gave me BB.
Beautiful in name, beautiful in nature, bloody nightmare when it comes to sleep.
There is no routine, she took my routine and with her silent baby eyes told me to stick it up my arse. She refused to sleep in the morning preferring to catch a quick two minutes between the school run and The Zingzillas which would then see her through. This of course has turned my life upside down, that morning sleep was my time to get ready, to present my fresh face, and now BB helps with my make up.
Nightimes start with a shout and usually finish in a menage a trois. BB lies starfish in the centre of the bed and he who helped create them and I cling to each other trying to keep our backsides on the mattress.
I went back to my mentor, but Gina, she defies us. She doesn’t need sleep, she likes to be awake and most of all she likes to be awake with me.
So the sleeping guru of the town, Gina Ford’s self proclaimed number two has been defeated. I went to Tesco’s last week and refused their kind offer of bags prefer to use the economy sized ones under my eyes. I no longer offer advice (and to be honest people have stopped calling) instead I am thinking of starting a self help group for those who us who now live on less than six hours sleep a night.
Being smug was simply lovely, payback is a bitch!
Northern Mummy with Southern Children 
Oct 04, 2011 @ 07:50:48
Here I am at 4.5 hours a night. I’m joining your club. If they could only be joined up the sleep would go from desperate to merely pathetic.
Oct 04, 2011 @ 07:57:28
Ok club rules are; no make up, bring your own cushion, and 5 quid a week to put towards coffee and pro plus…
In?
Oct 04, 2011 @ 08:08:32
He he welcome to the #badnightcoffeclub Search on that and you will always find plenty of people huddled over a coffee working out how they will make it through the day on so little sleep 🙂 you are in good company
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:45:53
Oh Dawn as much as I love you that was a club I was always happy not to be in!
However consider me a fully fledged member now.
Oct 04, 2011 @ 08:27:55
Sleep deprivation is even worse when you don’t like coffee, like yours truly. Tea just doesn’t keep the bags at bay….
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:45:18
True – I force myself!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 08:39:36
I can sympathise! I have three boys – eldest was pretty ok with sleeping, and now age 5 goes to bed on his own and sleeps through. Boy number 2 was a nightmare – he woke 2 hourly until he was 18 months old, and age 3 still wakes up most nights and seeks out our company, whereupon he sleeps soundly the rest if the night. If we move him or leave for the spare bed, he has some kind of sleeping alone sensor and wakes up and seeks us out again! Baby number three at 15months is some kind of sleeping wunderkind, and “self settles”, sleeping through until 8am most nights (barring the few occasions due to illness and teething). I don’t believe in gina ford, feberizing, cry it out…etc. Have tried (with number one wheve health visitor became insistent that at 3 months he should self settle and sleep through, implying bad parenting and child neglect if not!) and just found them incredibly stressful, heartbreaking and ultimately we get more sleep by following our children’s needs. Sure these techniques “work” for some children, but believe that success is partly down to fitting with Childs natural patterns anyway (all three have self routined in that they naturally had patterns of naps during the day that became predictable), and partly down to the child eventually realising that it is pointless crying as no one will come anyway – which must leave them feeling desperately isolated and neglected.
But I do totlly agree – sleep deprivation is hideous. It does get better though – I keep reminding myself that there is no way they are going to want to be in my bed when they are near teenagers, so I’m making the most of my cuddles now!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:45:07
Can you imagine if a teen wanted to sleep in your bed!
Channel four would be knocking on your door documentary style!
I agree with what you are saying but my three kids seem to have adifferent sleep needs and that seems to mean I get none!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 08:46:55
Good to hear I’m not the only one surviving on 6 hours and my child is 20 months. Apparently as a child I didn’t need sleep either. Another sleep deprived mother told me a child’s inability to sleep is in direct correlation to it’s intelligence and we have intelligent children. Where do I sign to join club?
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:43:44
Just send £10 entry fee (to cover caffine) and you are in
Pajamas are an acceptable dress code!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 09:04:57
My eldest Lois is six in March and she is a little merde when it comes to sleep, wakening me most nights then apologising sweetly in the morning. Sleep deprivation sucks #fact
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:42:58
I share your pain!
and six!!!! bollocks!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 09:06:13
Oh I just read Honest Mum’s fact that it’s intelligent kids don’t sleep – aha, it all makes sense now, love it! Hang on a minute, that must make my youngest thick as ….
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:43:08
That makes my youngest two thick as….
Oct 04, 2011 @ 09:25:46
Thank you, from the bottom of a sleep-deprived heart. In the throes of wakeful nights with bad sleeper number 3; it’s so refreshing to hear someone being honest and saying “you know what, it’s largely down to luck”.
Raising a large mug of instant espresso to you, and here’s to sleep sometime soon.
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:42:39
Catherine anytime you want to share tales of sleep deprived woe pop by my blog!
It is even worse when you have had sleep and then lost it….
Oct 04, 2011 @ 10:34:53
Oh I feel your pain!! We’ve had regular twice a night wake ups for feeds and cuddles. Only last week he didnt wake up. I’m not saying he’s slept through because, you know, he might read this (or something like that) and start waking again. I’m just saying he hasn’t woke up for a few days (shhhhh)…. *twitch twitch*
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:41:55
Dude – you know tonight you are going to be up all night!
Talk about tempting fate!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 13:06:22
God I know. Its already started… Just took me half an hour to put him down for a nap… Dammit!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 14:08:33
Lol! Have you tried giving him gin?
Oct 04, 2011 @ 10:50:29
Can I start the Andalucían Chapter of the club? Bibsey had just started sleeping through (really sleeping through) for about two weeks before the MMR bollocks… and since? Not.
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:41:26
MMR is evil!
To be fair BB was ok until the epilepsy kicked in then we started to really mollycoddle her and it all went downhill from there…
It was 4.30am she got up on Sunday night, and that was after I stayed up till 3am at the Mads the night before – I am like a walking zombie!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:02:36
Dreading this! Am currently pregnant with dc2, ds sleeps through and has done from 10 days thanks to Ms.Ford.
I’m starting to get palpitations that the next child won’t be trained!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 11:37:04
I was convinced it would be easy with my third child and with just the one.
The problem was I just didnt have the dedication with this one – I opted for the easy life of cuddling to sleep and feeding to sleep.
Bloody biting me in the arse now!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 12:48:45
It’s definitely down to luck – we have one who sleep and one who doesn’t and they’ve had the exact same training…
Our big thing is getting the odd night off with the door shut in the spare room so at least from time to time you get a few more hours (not that I can sleep through them waking and shouting but it’s good to try)
Oct 04, 2011 @ 18:11:55
I think I just go for the easy life now! And the easy life is getting up and dealing with it!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 15:34:15
Love this post – it’s so true…. Grace sleeps so so well and I can still count on one hand the number of times we have had to attend to her in the night. Everytime it happens now I’m wondering ‘is this the end of a good nights sleep??’
Oct 04, 2011 @ 18:13:11
You’ll be fine, its baby number 2 you need to worry about!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 16:20:47
But what are you talking about…6 hours sounds like bliss!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 18:13:39
Ha! You need to speak to gina…..
Oct 04, 2011 @ 18:10:59
All my friends feel sorry for me when I have to leave my “angels” every other week for business trips – this actually means every 10-14 days I get some sleep!! I positively skip down the motorway leaving the little darlings to terrorise someone else’s nighttimes!!
The youngest is 5 in January & has not slept away from me whilst we are under the same room for nearly 3 years!!! We have a 7ft bed & every square inch is consumed by her limbs sticking in all directions & if I hear my husband tell me I make a lovely pillow then I will commit murder I’m sure of it!!!
Janie J you are not alone & the share price of Nescafe drops considerably when I am away on business 😉
Oct 04, 2011 @ 18:28:36
And everytime I see you you look so refreshed….
I advise getting a bigger bed!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 20:59:52
ha! welcome to my world! OMG it’s 10 pm, gotta to go to bed – will be up at 5!
Oct 04, 2011 @ 21:09:45
Noo is a non bed lover too
Oct 05, 2011 @ 07:03:14
Hi there. I empathise as my DD has always been a good sleeper & we are now going through sleeping with us most nights phase due to dreams (she’s nearly 4). It’s tiring but I doubt she’ll be with us in bed when she’s 18 (I hope).
In all seriousness if you’d like to try a SnoozeShade for daytime naps let me know.
Cara x
Oct 05, 2011 @ 07:18:46
Hi cara, I have a snooze shade I am one of your biggest fans, she would never sleep in the buggy without it….. Jx
Oct 05, 2011 @ 09:16:26
Thanks Jane xxx
Oct 06, 2011 @ 08:21:25
I had one of those. One that didn’t need sleep. I took her to the doctors and told them she was broken but they didn’t fix her.
She did grow out of it. Don’t panic: right before her third birthday. And now as a teenager she’d sleep all day.
Oct 06, 2011 @ 16:59:40
Oh the teen years how on one hand I can’t wait and the other is filled with fear
Oct 06, 2011 @ 17:11:41
Oh god, the Boy was a GF baby – didn’t sleep through till he was 7 months though but generally a good sleeper. 4 weeks to go and now I am worried.
Oct 06, 2011 @ 17:53:53
Be afraid lady! X x
Oct 06, 2011 @ 17:46:48
Love it. My friend had an amazing Gina baby when I had my firstborn who spent most of his first year screaming. I love her but it hurt when she used to turn up looking stunning and able to string sentences together!
Oct 06, 2011 @ 17:55:02
Us gina mums are irratating! But time will eeks its revenge
Oct 06, 2011 @ 21:00:22
I know exactly where you are coming from ! My daughter – on Gina Ford’s lovely advice, slept through from 8 weeks 7-7, then had three sleeps a day. The regimented 45 min in the morning, 2 hr at lunch and maybe 30 mins mid-afternoon. I honestly could set my watch by her. Then I had Jo. I had such a bad time with him, that at times I actually (shame) drugged him with Medised so I could actually have half an hour to find a clean cup !!
Too true, no children are the same …. bugger !
Oct 06, 2011 @ 21:04:44
Medised! why did they change the age limit?