a lost libido…

Lost: one sex drive

I have looked everywhere, under the bed, in the fridge, even in the garage and no success. I did manage to find a mouldy tomato, a long ago forgotten set of pyjamas and my collection of Bros Records but my sex drive remains hidden from view.

To be honest it has been broken up in bits for a while and I have been losing parts of it on and off for years but it seems that unfortunately I have lost it in its entirety.

I lost half of it when the twins were born in the delivery suite just after he who helped create them popped down the business end for a quick squint; but to be honest with having two babies around it didn’t seem too much of a trauma functioning with only a fifty percent libido. It would have been far more traumatic to have loaded the babies into the car, fold up the double buggy, return to the hospital, unfold the double buggy, stop for a feed, then find the right delivery suite and hunt around on the floor looking for it whilst some poor woman lay on the bed above me trying to birth a baby without adequate pain relief.

But a zero percent drive? I am not sure I am prepared to live with that, and I am pretty sure he who helped create them won’t be over impressed either.

So the hunt continues, twin boy suggested I retrace my steps but if I am honest I did misplace it a while ago but I haven’t been over fussed about finding it in the summer holidays, it would have just added something else to my to do list. I thought I had found it about a fortnight ago but it turns out that was just a bottle of wine mixed up with an old Christian Slater movie..

I think it may be in the pocket of one of my pairs of size twelve jeans because god only knows I haven’t had a reason to see those in a while. Maybe it is hiding away with a two penny piece and a stick of gum refusing to come out and play until my backside shrinks enough to squeeze back inside the trousers.

But should I be wrong and it has wonderedย off completely please do me a favour and keep an eye out for it. It is getting quite urgent as we are going away for he who helped create them’s birthday this weekend and he expects me to pack it, I really don’t want to be the one to tell him I’ve lost it. He finds my ability to lose all things a tad frustrating to say the least. He went mad when he caught me in jeggings once and I had to confess that I had lost my dress sense, and he went ballistic after my last smear when I came home and told him I had left my dignity in the waiting room and I shouldn’t mention the argument we had after I lost my patience after a session in soft play on a saturday and I don’t see this new admittance going down any better…

Any help? Anyone?

91 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mammasaurus
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:14:30

    I think at times our sex drives goes to the ‘other side’. Where the’ other side’ is I know not , just that it also happens to be the home of all the missing odd socks.

    I hope you find it soon and if all else fails I can only suggest a night on the gin with a porn film and post-coital chocolate bar (it’s amazing what the promise of chocolate makes more bearable)


  2. PoorParenting
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:28:39

    Good luck finding it.

    I takeit you’ve checked behind the sofa?


  3. helloitsgemma
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:31:41

    maybe it’s in Tesco, when you are dancing in the aisles singing into a bagette, it’s easy to misplace stuff, maybe it just fell out of your bag?
    Perhaps, you left it at the school gates when you ran away? it’s easy to drop things at that speed.
    Perhaps the twins have hidden it for a bit of a laugh, maybe get HWHCT to lift some floor boards. He probably won’t find it, but the act of lifting the floorboards will probably exhaust him and then he may well be too tired to notice? Alternatively, get very very drunk.


  4. Alex
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:37:24

    I don’t know, but if you find it let me know, I may have left mine in the same place… (PS I think some American psychologist recently wrote a book saying something along the lines of Do it Anyway Even if you Don’t Feel Like it…cos you’ll be glad you did and HWHCT will be even gladder…)


  5. Not Just A Mummy
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:37:37

    you know i think my libido has run off with urs, maybe they went on holiday and lost their passports. Honestly im in the same boat as you and its driving me nuts and causes arguments!


  6. Kim BB
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:42:48

    I’ve had this problem on and off over the years and finally decided to take it seriously when I got married (somewhat late) a few years ago. I took myself to a registered therapist who specialises in sex issues. Two years later, plus going on HRT and fluoxetine (the first definitely related I think, the latter possibly – longstanding depression), I am starting to feel differently, It’s been a long and difficult process, but I have to say I do think it’s been worth it. *hugs* and very best wishes with yours.


  7. Kate Takes 5
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:48:28

    Well it certainly isn’t anywhere around here.


  8. ali
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:57:04

    I have worked it out, it must playing out somewhere with mine cause mine keeps going missing and it’s less and less willing to come back ๐Ÿ˜ฆ !!!

    Though sure there not playing together as such (just to get that straight;-)!)


  9. LT
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 18:59:31

    I lost mine after having my children too. It’s taken two years to find it. I had to keep looking, at regular intervals. And thinking about the bits I could remember, the fun bits, helped get me through.

    I also tried to re-connect with the sexy woman that I used to be. Not the mummy, or the professional, or the multi-tasking chair of a community group. That meant new undies (chosen by me, for me), a browse around Boots for some lovely bath & skin things and a good book so I could have some quality me time.

    Throw in the odd bottle of wine and some extra effort from hubby and we’re getting there, but it’s been a long slog.

    Good luck. You will find it again. And probably somewhere you were least expecting it.


  10. fastandluce
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 19:01:57

    To quote Shirley Valentine: I think sex is like supermarkets, you know,
    overrated. Just a lot of pushing and shoving and you still come out
    with very little at the end…..!!!

    Maybe its in Aisle 3!!



  11. motherventing
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 19:02:05

    If you find yours, can you share it out pls?


  12. Emma @MummyMummyMum
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 19:09:08

    Maybe you can buy a new one? xx


    Sep 06, 2011 @ 19:14:58

    Well it sure aint here……it’s not been seen around these parts since mid 2008, the night I wore Hanna’s straw hat to bed….. perhaps it’s in the dressing up box…


  14. sarah
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 19:15:26

    Have to agree with the ‘ do it anyway,,,,,,’ 10 mins in and you actually start to enjoy it! Always helps if you need HWHCT to agree to pretty much anything:)


  15. mothersalwaysright
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 19:18:00

    Retrace your steps back to the bottle of wine again. And if that fails get He Who Helped Create Them to help you look for it over a candle-lit curry without the children. If you happen to stumble across mine while you’re there, send it back my way. x


  16. Ellen Arnison
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 19:55:16

    Not sure if this helps but mine was stolen by Ralph The Tired Monster. He sneaks into our house every evening just when the kids have gone to bed. He is invisible but I’m clearly allergic because I always start yawning and craving PJs when he’s around. He also steals get-up-and-goes, interesting conversation and the end of most films.


  17. Neil
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 20:10:44

    Yah….ok…..so I’m a man……and I’m going to comment on perhaps the most sensitive of all subjects outside of IVF and vajazzling. You can tell I have a death with…..

    Having brought two kids up I think both my wife and I have been through periods where we felt that sex was less appetising than a fricassee of snails served on a bed of dead beetles. It happens and that is part, I believe, of the ebb and flow of life. To put it simply, your mind and body aren’t as one.

    And this is where I agree with Sara’s point. We have to separate the psychological from the physiological. If you are not suffering from any pain or discomfort then the lack of “interest” is psychological. The fact is that the sensations, the nerve endings, the physical stimulation (without wishing to get to eurgh) are still there. It is the brain, the rational that is depriving the emotional.

    So why?

    Well there can be a whole set of reasons for that. I wouldn’t want to put myself in your position and say that I could interpret that. But maybe…..just maybe if you could set yourself down the path with your darling husband and put aside the mental resistance and with a large dose of tolerance and understanding from him….well at least you might find the first steps to relocating the aforementioned.

    I will resist the urge to enter into psychobabble, but as LT alludes to, we can have so many different definitions of us as parent, spouse, employee etc. that sometimes the idea of being “lover” seems frivolous and indulgent. But on the other hand, we were all that before we were any of the others….so is it really wrong to indulge that? No, but often every part of our psyche screams that it is.


    • janeblackmore
      Sep 06, 2011 @ 20:22:41

      that was far more sensible than I expected!

      “I will resist the urge to enter into psychobabble, but as LT alludes to, we can have so many different definitions of us as parent, spouse, employee etc. that sometimes the idea of being โ€œloverโ€ seems frivolous and indulgent. But on the other hand, we were all that before we were any of the othersโ€ฆ.so is it really wrong to indulge that? No, but often every part of our psyche screams that it is”

      You have kinda hit the nail on the head here, so it seems you dont have a death wish you are just being insightful.

      I also agree that vino will help in rediscovery of missing drive…..



    • Alex
      Sep 07, 2011 @ 07:48:52

      What he said


  18. Neil
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 20:12:20

    Clearly I meant “wish”……doh…..!


  19. Caroline B
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 20:31:47

    Tis a pest to be sure. I regularly lose mine, then give it a whirl and forget that it’s actually quite good fun, swear I shan’t leave it so long next time and then forget again. Maybe reminder post it notes on the fridge would help. There’s something to be said for just going for it, I bet you’ll be surprised how nice it is and just how much of a hottie you are. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  20. graceandme
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 20:33:40

    Have you checked the wardrobe? Mine went to Narnia a long while back!



  21. Mummy Matters
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 20:43:52

    I’m pretty sure that it comes out in the third stage of labour when you deliver the placenta, I could have sworn it was clinging onto mine as it was wrapped up and thrown in the bin? That’s probably why some dads get so horny, they are the funny beggars who eat the placenta and get double the sex drive!!


  22. Helen
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 05:33:26

    Very funny! If you find it let me know as mine could well be hiding in the same place .,.


  23. Bod for tea
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 06:54:41

    Glad to say I found mine, it was hiding at the bottom of the laundry bin. Wonder if yours is in the same place as a few of the other things I’ve misplaced tho? If you come across my smile, my made-up face and my ability to hold my tummy in can you let me know? Oh and have a fab weekend away ๐Ÿ˜€


  24. Bibsey Mama
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 08:13:51

    Haha. You all very funny ladies.

    Have you tried the drawer in the kitchen? You know, the one with all the crap in it that you put things in that you can’t quite seem to think of a use for now, but just know will come in useful later. The stuff that when you move house you just empty into a plastic bag and transfer to your new kitchen crap drawer… Not there either? Bums.

    If it turns up put a bell on it so that it never gets lost again.

    *goes off to check kitchen drawer with cow bell in hand*


  25. Boatwife
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 08:20:25

    Mine was also ejected with the placenta. I might try the general advice above, which seems to be, drink a bottle of wine and do it anyway. Jane- I have seen yours. It was indeed in Tesco, by the baguettes.


  26. Imogen
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 10:59:09

    Had a strange dream about your libido last night (post 2 glasses of wine, not the 3 bottles you suggested). It involved me rooting in the cupboard under the stairs for it. Not found (hardly surprising as I’d be concerned if you had at any point been in my cupboard) I went down to my Tesco and asked customer services if they had your libido in their lost property. A row then followed between me and a manager as he refused to check CCTV footage for possible “libido handbag snatchers” and I was removed from the store.

    So my advice after a restless sleep…I agree with Neil (and he’s said it in a much more meaningful way than I ever could). Basically, your body is there but your mind is not…the only thing I can suggest is what I will call the “chocolate withdrawal method”. I didn’t eat any for weeks (I was dieting and it wasn’t related in any way to libido regain). I became so bad tempered that I ended up releasing my energy in the bedroom, so I won two-fold – rediscovered the libido & lost some baby weight …I never gave up on the wine or the gin though, that’s far too severe!


    • janeblackmore
      Sep 07, 2011 @ 11:22:44

      My other half thinks I should give up the booze, I think he has no chance of finding the libido if thats the case.

      I dont know if I should be worried that you are dreaming about my sex drive!


  27. Imogen
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 12:43:29

    Give up booze?! You’ve already given up singledom, your womb, your boobs and your size 12 jeans….that’s 1 request too many!

    And it is quite disturbing I suppose, dreaming about your libido but then I dreamt Lord Sugar and Piers Morgan came round for a bbq the other night and that’s slightly more concerning.


  28. mrsshortie
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 17:28:51

    A very amusing post – mine keeps up and leaving, as it has for the last few weeks, NJ goes on & on about it for so long I just give in. The drive is not there, but it keeps him happy for a little while!

    Not sure where yours could be hiding, maybe they all go to the same place and have a party, laughing at our expence?


  29. Katie
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 18:03:00

    Hahah loved this and the comments especially the “no use now kitchen drawer” I have two ๐Ÿ™‚ I think I left mine at the old house ( we moved In January), just waiting for the new owners to go on holiday so I can break in and get it back!! failing it being there the horror thought that enters my head is it’s packed in a box in my mother in laws spare room (oh the shame) ๐Ÿ™‚


  30. SAHMlovingit
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 18:07:47

    Muhahahahaha. I don’t think I ever had one.

    Obviously I jest…I must have hd one at some point as we have MC ๐Ÿ˜‰


  31. graceandme
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 08:16:54

    Did you check the wardrobe? Mine went to Narnia a long time ago. Matt the Husband used to look forward to holidays as a marker of things to come. Since going back to work part-time, we dont have as many holidays anymore…


  32. Merry
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 08:31:04

    I think mine is almost certainly with it, so do shout if you have any success. It says something that when Marmite was finally conceived, we both looked at each other and said “thank goodness, we can stop having sex!” Argh


  33. NotMyYearOff
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 22:44:59

    I think mine might be in my hospital bag. Have you checked yours? I don’t feel like checking mine… A cup of tea though… Ooh err missus!!


  34. sarsm
    Sep 09, 2011 @ 22:52:25

    It’ll find it’s way back when you least expect it. You’ll be sitting there, re-bending a paper-clip/pouring white wine onto red/perusing a glossy magazine and – CLUNK there it will be, just like it never left.

    When you look back, you may well notice you had more sleep than usual of late, more time to yourself that morning, or that you had a whole bath, without anyone popping in for a visit.

    The very next day, you may well lose it again.


  35. Sairycake (@sairycake)
    Sep 10, 2011 @ 17:20:22

    I lost mine when I was pregnant so thought maybe I’d packed it away with all those skinny jeans that suddenly didn’t fit.. Have just looked and it’s not there?!


  36. Blue Sky
    Sep 10, 2011 @ 17:41:36

    I’ve forgotten what it is…now where’s my bifocals?


  37. annickhollins
    Sep 10, 2011 @ 22:19:57

    Hey, did you find it? I am asking because I think my husband is about to divorce me if I don’t find mine! Seriously. This is the funniest blog I have read in ages, trouble is, is that it is so close to home it’s not funny. Why can’t men understand it’s not all about them – we have issues too! I shall go look in the rabbit hutch to see if mine is there. Or perhaps the deer ate it, now there’s a thought!


    • janeblackmore
      Sep 11, 2011 @ 12:27:28

      I hadn’t considered looking in the rabbit hutch! Although I don’t own a rabbit so that would be a different matter. I did use to own a different type of rabbit but again once the libido went so did that rabbit….


  38. Muddling Along
    Sep 12, 2011 @ 14:38:17

    Its probably eloped with mine

    That said, after having a monster search for ours it did come back. Suggest reading Betty Herbert’s site and book, getting enough sleep and then falling into a bottle of wine to help reduce nerves


  39. Emma @MummyMummyMum
    Sep 21, 2011 @ 06:39:57

    Did I read somewhere that you found it again? Well done!! Thanks for linking up. ๐Ÿ™‚


  40. Trackback: What I meant to say was….. « Northern Mummy with Southern Children
  41. mascaradays
    Oct 31, 2011 @ 14:34:00

    …our libido can be our best friend or a stranger. Exercise reputedly helps…hard when you’re juggling though.


  42. kidspartyheaven
    Dec 28, 2011 @ 11:59:27

    I lost mine years ago.
    It totally disappeared.

    I found it where I didn’t want to find it…
    The problem wasn’t my body but my head.
    I didn’t want to hear it but the issue was that I was depressed. I just didn’t know it at the time as was very heavily defended.
    I changed my life, got a divorce ( we are still mates) and now have my libido back in bucketloads and am in a great long term relationship of almost 9 years strong. Yes I still have my libido ( and a grandchild).
    I’m not saying that this is the answer, but just letting you know sometimes we just don’t look in the right place when we lose something.
    I wish you luck.( and those lovely tingly sensations)


  43. A Working Mum
    Dec 30, 2011 @ 13:41:29

    I’m still looking for mine! It does make a short appearance every now and again!

    I’ve made a few batches of raspberry liqueur for the holidays, maybe it’ll return after that … who knows …

    If anyone does find mine, could they give it back please, thanks!


  44. A.
    Jan 21, 2012 @ 05:20:50

    It might’ve taken a left turn at Albequerque.


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