Incontinence: It’s a good thing

A good friend of mine texted me today to tell me her son had christened the potty for the first time.  I hasten to add her that she was also texting to say hi and wasn’t just regaling me with more poo stories.  However, whilst remaining proud of her adorable little lad for firmly ‘dropping one’ in the pot; it was all I could do to not text back shouting; 

“Noooooo don’t do it.  Potty training is the devils work.”

 

I can pin point when I began to find parenting a challenge; and it began about the time I tried to cure my two year old twins of their incontinence.

 Up until then life had been idyllic; the twins and I had moved through life in sheer happiness, skipping through fields of flowers and coasting on a rainbow.

 Then the potty came.

 Two big ugly pink beasts with yellow inserts that could be washed and emptied easily into the toilet.

Once we had cracked the first hurdle, which was not, as Gina promised me, achieved in a week; and the nappies were banished life took on a whole new style.

 Dancing through daffodils was replaced by bending behind bushes holding a bare bottom as far away from oneself as possible as a little present emerged and my need for a chiropractor increased.

 We no longer coasted on a rainbow, instead we would slip over on little puddles left on the floor.

 The days of leaving the house armed with a handbag, two nappies, and a packet of wipes were behind us.  Replaced by a backpack full of wipes, six pairs of pants, two pairs of jeans, four pairs of socks, extra shoes and a couple of t shirts, plus a weird contraption called a travel potty (which had a design fault in that it couldn’t be opened quick enough to catch anything falling from the twins’ bottoms.)

 I was always proud that the twins slept through from 4 months.  Once my night time nappies moved out of our happy home so did uninterrupted sleep.  Calls of ‘I need a wee’ punctuated my dozing. Calls of “I’ve done a wee” pretty much destroyed all kip as the art of changing a bed without waking the second sleeping twin became a sought after art form.

 Car journeys have been at least doubled in length by incessant toilet breaks (most by the side of the road in sheet rain). Plus we shrunk the car seat covers after having to boil wash them after one particularly messy ‘accident’.

 So I miss the incontinent days and I urge all parents to heed my words carefully.  Little Johnny down the road may have left the nappies behind at 18 months but trust me his mummy will be wiping up wee and picking up random bits of poo for years to come.

 If you need more convincing to live a life of incontinence, imagine going out on a girls night, drinking a tad too much gin and diving out of a cab, hurtling to the loo, to sit down gratefully on the throne to only find your arse cheeks trapped in a child’s seat loo seat. (I’m not saying this happened to me, I’m just saying it could happen…)

 This never happened with incontinent children.

46 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pampered Mummy
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 05:43:57

    We had all the same issues with my older two and I’m about to embark on the potty training again with my little man. Now you’ve reminded me of the bits i’d forgotten think I might leave it a bit longer!

    Reply

  2. butwhymummywhy
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 07:03:28

    Oof potty training is a nightmare! Nodded my head emphatically whilst reading this post – totally agree with you!

    Reply

  3. Helen
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 07:04:03

    This made me laugh so much! So so familiar. We’ve just done our first long car journey sans nappies and I’m stunned by the lack of the expected trauma. HOWEVER, “I need a wee!” was replaced by “I feel icky!” – and she was …

    Reply

  4. Mother Bloggin' Guilt
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 07:30:51

    Hilarious! I had a nightmare experience when I tried to potty train my son too early. He ‘christened’ all sorts of places in the house! I can’t imagine how you do it with twins! Stress! Luckily, when I tried to train my son again at 2 and a half, it just clicked. Still, I won’t be rushing to potty train my daughter! X

    Reply

  5. I'm So Fancy
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 07:39:08

    Oh no! The Princess went in the potty for the first time last night! Just when we’d gotten sleep where I needed it. Sigh.

    Reply

  6. HELEN JESSUP
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 10:21:27

    I’m with you on this, happy to leave Jack to fill his nappies to his hearts content for as long as he wants…..I’m not mentally prepared to go through 18 months of pant pooing that we did with his sister…….

    Reply

  7. Blue sky
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 15:57:57

    Of course if you come home after a night out and too much gin and they’re still incontinent, you may be faced with cleaning up a very messy bum! And I do speak from experience. Except not gin-related….

    Reply

  8. Jacq
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 18:09:32

    If I say we’ve finished with toilet training FOREVER, would you hate me?

    Reply

  9. charliewells80
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 18:28:49

    Brilliant! We’re trying to introduce the concept at the moment and although lo understands the concept he simply can’t be bothered most of the time! Having read this, there’ll definitely be no rushing him in this house…

    Reply

  10. Evey@PolythenePram
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 20:29:54

    Oh God this made me laugh! I have actually sat on my daughters pink toliet seat in a half-dazed state and it is a bit of a shock to the buttock!
    I too loathe potty training and am dreading going through it again with number two….

    Evey @ PolythenePram

    Reply

  11. Kate
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 20:50:56

    Hahaha! Oh dear! I’m just starting to potty train the dude and we’ve had more accidents this week than my cream carpet cares to mention!

    I’m not looking forward to going OUT while training. I’m thinking, food deliveries and ASOS, who needs to leave the house?

    It gets easier though. Doesn’t it….?!

    Reply

  12. teawithonesugarplease
    Jul 19, 2011 @ 21:00:56

    I am waiting for the whole ordeal to blow over with my two…maybe by 18 when they can leave home…

    Reply

  13. mummymummymum
    Jul 20, 2011 @ 08:18:50

    I am laughing…so agree with you. Z is great he never needs to go. Little S however is the puddle queen! 🙂

    Reply

  14. Heidi
    Jul 20, 2011 @ 10:12:40

    Damn I was going to give this Gina woman a go with potty training since I learned the hard way that I probably should have bought the sleep book. I have been asked so many times when I’m going to start and I confidently annouce that it will commence on Sep 3rd and will be done and dusted by the 10th. Maybe I am owed a lucky break and Dylan will be different, or maybe that is wishful thinking. Wish me luck!

    Reply

  15. helloitsgemma
    Jul 20, 2011 @ 11:05:16

    Maybe Gina gave the wrong advice – imagine?? Didn’t read a book and it all went absolutely fine here….. I have such a lovely imagine of you with a child’s loo seat attached to your butt but I’m sure that never happened!

    Reply

  16. nickimumof5
    Jul 20, 2011 @ 14:40:09

    I really,really dislike Potty training.I am a mum of 5 and my 2 year old that is no 4 used the Potty for the first time this week,it seems to scare him a bit though and he prefers using the toilet seat on the big toilet,my others preferred this too. Good luck and I hope you finish this horrible stage of parenting soon.

    Reply

  17. mothersalwaysright
    Jul 20, 2011 @ 20:18:42

    Howling with laughter at the image of (not you) a woman with her bum cheeks trapped in a child’s toilet seat. Please stop being so damn funny. My pelvic floor can’t take it.

    Reply

  18. Katie
    Jul 20, 2011 @ 20:26:56

    Hehe this made me giggle, it took a peppa pig playground set to stop my little angle pooing behind the curtain, but the wee thing was mastered quickly so didn’t get many slippy puddles lol

    Reply

  19. Midlife Singlemum
    Jul 22, 2011 @ 10:59:17

    Found you through tots100 10 best of the week. Very timely as DD went to nursery today in knickers for the first time. I totally agreed with you and was ignoring all notions of toilet training. However, DD (2yrs 7 months) took off her nappy yesterday afternoon and announced “Knickers!”. That was it – not my choice. So far today has been OK but I’m too scared to go shopping so no food for the weekend!

    Reply

  20. Alexander Residence
    Jul 22, 2011 @ 18:12:53

    Spot on post. Potty training is right at the back of my mind when it comes to my second, along with the hideous memories of training my first. I’m kind of hoping he might teach himself, or his big sister will.

    Reply

  21. richmondmummy
    Jul 26, 2011 @ 08:53:06

    aha ha ha ha ha this made me laugh so much, hee hee hee. I shall take heed at your advice, my little one is only 5 months old – I shall put off potty training until she’s about 10 then! x

    Reply

  22. Jana
    Jul 26, 2011 @ 12:39:23

    I dont think think I should have read this, just bought potty this week and still catching dust as I cant push myself to start potty training with my 18 month old son. Unfortunately my mum WILL BE asking me this Sunday yet again “how is he doing” and I run out of excuses as according to her I was potty trained by the age of 14 month. For the one who dont know my mum I recited poems at the age of two and got driving licence at the age of 5:)

    Reply

  23. sarsm
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 09:46:33

    My 4yo still needs to go in every shop we enter on a shopping trip. We spend so much time in toilets, we only get to a couple of shops. My husband is pleased though.

    Then they develop a fascination with toilets and need to visit everybody’s bathroom, even if you’re just handing out Christmas cards.

    Reply

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Copyright © Jane Blackmore and Northernmum, 2010-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jane Blackmore and Northernmum with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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