Parenting: Every Parents Nightmare…..

Some ruffian has laid their lips on my daughter.

Some cheeky little so and so has had the nerve to declare himself my daughters first boyfriend and sealed the deal with a puckered up kiss which apparently she willingly accepted.

He didn’t offer to buy her lunch, not even a flipping pretend sandwich from the schools make-believe cafe.  He didn’t give her diamonds and pearls, and if my understanding is correct he didn’t even bother to make a daisy chain to hang around her pretty neck.

The whole wooing process seemed to be a promise of a vote in that weeks Star of the Week competition and a promise of a cuddle at playtime.

So my daughter sold her first boyfriend status for a vote? Maybe both my older children are destined for politics.

But what now?  I feel ill-equipped to handle the relationship between two five-year olds?

Do I invite his parents round for dinner?  Start looking at hats?

Do I invite him round under the guise of a playdate and then leave him in a darkened closet for an hour or so with only an I pod repeating my voice chanting:

                        ‘Thou will not kiss my daughter, thou will not kiss my daughter’

Or do I whisk twin girl out of the classroom and leave her on the doorstep of the local nunnery and collect her when she is eighteen?

As all these thoughts raced through my head twin girl soon got bored with watching me frantically wring my hands and pull at my lips in anxious worry and disappeared upstairs to play with her far too thin and so has implants Barbie.

Left alone with my wandering mind I imagined a future where my daughter ran off to Gretna Green with this so-called chap of hers in their school uniforms, flinging their book bags behind them and sharing drink cups.

But before I could get too carried away twin boy bellowed from upstairs.

“Mum” he called

 “Molly’s not got a boyfriend anymore, she’s got a husband…!”

Bugger, five-year old ruffian boyfriend or marital incest?

Yet another impossible parenting dilemma….

Husband and Wife with their adopted daughter BB

**By the way my little blog has been shortlisted in the MAD blog Awards; I am really flattered, if you want to help me win please click on this voting link and enter your name and email and my blog has been shortlisted in Best Mad Blog about Family life (the first one); just click ‘northern mum’   – Thanks from me, twin boy, twin girl, BB, and he who helped create them x x x

40 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Crystal Jigsaw
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 14:12:01

    Oooh, I dread the day! Amy has already told me a boy at school has asked her out but she laughed and said she was too young. Im trying to make her see that she needs to be at least 25 before she even thinks about dates, but not sure it’ll work, lol.

    CJ xx


  2. Geeky Mummy
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 14:12:49

    My 6 year old is engaged, they are getting married in 22 years time, on 5th Nov at midday. They have even allocated bridesmaids. I asked her why this boy ‘he asked first’. He has given her lots of kisses but she says it’s just like when we kiss her!


    • janeblackmore
      Jun 11, 2011 @ 16:43:07

      Who has she chosen for bridesmaids?

      I need to know more about this x


      • ali
        Jun 11, 2011 @ 17:02:10

        Not only do I know a very good wedding planner (that’ll be me), but if you can wait a couple of weeks I’ll even throw in a freshly baked bridesmaid/ pageboy. I put it all down to the Prince charming doll that Twin girl was besotted with x

      • janeblackmore
        Jun 11, 2011 @ 17:46:44

        Dont know if she can wait ali – she seemed to inherit her patience from me….

      • Geeky Mummy
        Jun 11, 2011 @ 21:56:24

        Her school friends are to be bridesmaids. They are in love, and keep making arts and craft things for each other. She’s made a badge for him for his birthday, it has a drawing of her and him and lots of hearts.

        It’s so cute. She has no understanding of what it means. We did have a funny chat today about him being grumpy that she didn’t sit next to him at theatre school today ‘he can be possessive, I need to teach him to be better at sharing’.

      • janeblackmore
        Jun 11, 2011 @ 22:06:02

        oh that is so cute!

        twin girls fella is definetly out of the loop – she has come to another decision today that she is staying with me forever.

        I am happy with that!


  3. Jacq
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 17:23:17

    Oh DD1 states she is ‘in love’ with one of the boys in her class but is ‘taking it slowly’. I’m resisting the impulse to enquire exactly what ‘things’ entail. I fear I don’t really want to know.


  4. mothersalwaysright
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 17:40:33

    Another gem. I love the fickle innocence of kids. I also love twin girl’s name – don’t think I’ve told you that yet.


    • janeblackmore
      Jun 11, 2011 @ 17:48:16

      Clearly me and your mother have excellent taste!

      My molly wants to know if you get shortened to molls? or even on very lazy days M – or is it just because she is twin (her words)


  5. Lakes Mum
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 18:04:32

    my 7 year old has “snogged” a boy in her class “lots of times” in the bushes at school at playtime!!!


  6. mummymummymum
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 19:44:32

    I love that photo! x


  7. toddlingintomadness
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 19:48:58

    A view again of things to come – and now Mr Toddlingintomadness is horrified that Tinkerbell will grow up someday and be kissed… it’s not allowed


  8. Kim Waller
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 20:47:22

    My twins seem intent on the incest option too – we have had some interesting conversations on why that is not supported. I’d always hoped to be a brave mum when it can to discussing procreation but as they are getting older the questions are getting harder and I am getting more tongue tied!!!
    A nunnery it is then I think!


  9. Bod for tea
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 23:44:55

    Hilarious 😀 DD’s not quite two but I’ve seen her future in this post so I’ve just pre-booked her a place at the local nunnery. Just in case. Well you just can’t be too careful can you?


  10. Mcai7td3
    Jun 12, 2011 @ 05:57:56

    Oh dear! Didn’t we wait a lot longer? Like till the age of 8? I wonder what it’ll be like first time she wants to bring him home.


  11. Anna
    Jun 12, 2011 @ 06:32:24

    The cupboard thing. Oh please do the cupboard thing?x


  12. Multiple Mummy
    Jun 12, 2011 @ 09:00:35

    That is so funny…only this week Noah, my three year old came home and said he loved his best friend Tyler and was going to marry him! When I told Tyler’s Mum, she said that she would make a wonderful mother in law! so that is it…at three my son is about to get married! That goodness people are more open these days. he he x

    P.S I would go for a dark cupboard! he he


  13. Mel (MilkChic)
    Jun 12, 2011 @ 11:47:07

    At least the relationships was short-lived… Maybe she’ll be bored of boys by the time she’s a teenager?


  14. Amy Le Pelley
    Jun 12, 2011 @ 21:16:27

    I had a written marriage proposal at 6, but it ended swiftly after a rather brutal game of hungry hippos. I mentioned this to the said boy on facebook and he didn’t even remember the letter he wrote to my father telling me he would wait for me! Shocking! x


  15. Tinuke
    Jun 13, 2011 @ 07:02:02

    Reading the comments and chuckling out loud on train platform.
    Just dropped Princess at Childminder at same time as another kid and must admit I thought ” hmm you two would make a nice couple in 20 years time” is that bad of me?


  16. nikki
    Jul 05, 2011 @ 19:01:41

    hello, found your blog through the twins triplets and more linky on maris world blog.
    this post made me laugh, my older two always used to say they want to get married when they are older…so glad that wore off!


  17. marisworld
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 20:58:31

    I have finally got round to reading your link! Seems to have taken me forever, brilliant story which I have yet to experience as my 2 don’t start preschool till September and THEN maybe we’ll hve these discussions 🙂
    Thank you for joining in adn good luck with MADS x


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