with each placenta get a free guide

I am thinking of suing the hospital, when they decided to cut open my tummy and remove two children they made a massive error. They took out the children and left in the users manuel.

( They also forgot my tummy tuck but that’s a different blog.)

We coped ok for the first couple of years, we used a book from the library instead that sorted us in terms of establishing a routine that allowed us to welcome sleep back into our abode. But we desperately need it now in order to refer to the section on ages 4 to 5.

As twin boy and girl reached three and a half we foresaw that we were going to have problems and he who helped create them spent ages looking for their reset button but it is hidden well. So we decided very sensibly to get pregnant again, have another major operation and get the surgeon to fish out three manuals this time. That way we could have one for home, one spare and one for nanny when she takes them on holiday.

But would you adam and eve it;

The bloody fool doctor only forgot again.

My only compensation is baby beautiful however she spends all day sitting wringing her hands looking at ways to thwart me in her toddlerdom years. So although we can operate her now I know she is adapting her settings slowly but surely in order to be a terrible two.

Now I am stuck with all the bad habits the twins have picked up from he who helped create them! If I had a manuel I could learn how to reprogramme them. If I had a manuel I could hit reset so twin girl wouldn’t thinking yelling is an acceptable volume for speech. If I had a users guide I could at the very least adapt twin boy’s setting so he could to learn to love quiet reading games as opposed to swash buckling pirate wars which involve turning my living room into a boat. I am sure the manuel would teach me how to get them both to stand quietly in a queue and I know there must be a button on them somewhere which prevents them telling chubby people how fat they are (myself included)

So to the ladies I have seen standing with their impeccably behaved kids in restaurants and Tesco’s. Clearly they were smart enough to push out their user guides with the placenta. But please spare a thought for little old me who had to rely on a male doctor to remove the guide. Please can I borrow a copy?

Pretty please.

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jordan
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 16:27:17

    Another fabulous post lady and do you know what, they left my manual in there too.
    I’m pregnant again now, so i’ll see if they can dig the first one out, as well as my new one, and as long as you don’t mind an October 2006 edition – i’ll pass it onto you.
    J xx

    Reply

  2. Michelle Twin Mum
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 18:24:39

    Manual less as well! I posted yesterday about how my twins are tag teaming at the moment to wear me down – it is working!

    Mich x

    Reply

  3. Meltdownmum
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 20:02:16

    Hmmm, Yeah, the manual. I wish I’d have read it beforehand (well actually I don’t bcos I wouldn’t have believed it)! Sounds like u do a sterling job – I often contemplate having a 3rd. Is it v.different than having two? Great post!

    Reply

  4. andthenallithoughtaboutwasyou
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 20:08:07

    I am manual less as well, just bumbling along in our own sweet way as no other way to go really. If you ever find a spare let us all know xx

    Reply

  5. eviegracesmummy
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 22:42:49

    I have just realised I don’t have a fat belly its Evies manual!!! That’s my excuse anyway x

    Reply

  6. Marianne
    Nov 07, 2010 @ 10:28:04

    Another really great post! Really cheered me up 🙂 I think they got mixed up at the hospital and gave me another baby’s manual, ‘cos according to mine he is meant to be sleeping through the night by now.

    Reply

  7. Leonie
    Nov 07, 2010 @ 12:06:27

    My manual came… Unfortunately It’s not much use…. Resembles an Ikea flat pack manual… No words just crazy drawings that frankly don’t mean anything….. And I’m one screw missing!!!…

    Reply

  8. Diney
    Nov 07, 2010 @ 14:38:32

    My secret – wait 18 years before having child number 2. Gives time for manual removal. If you know what I mean!

    Reply

  9. Kylie Hodges (kykaree)
    Nov 07, 2010 @ 22:04:03

    I asked at NICU, I figured that the very thorough Dr K would definitely have removed it, he said he’d given me a “jolly good clean up” in there.

    But NICU haven’t seen it either. They did have him 10 weeks, so surely they must have used it?

    I even took him back, but they don’t give refunds, which is darn unfair, they send the goods home without the manual, oh the cheek of it!

    Reply

  10. Pants With Names
    Nov 08, 2010 @ 09:43:38

    Oo, when you find the manual, could you let me know where the volume control button is? Or (even better?) the mute button? I’ve been looking for years and can’t find one on either of my two (male) models.

    Great post, made me smile!

    Reply

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Copyright © Jane Blackmore and Northernmum, 2010-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jane Blackmore and Northernmum with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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